right words, wrong time, wrong mouths. my ears are opened to listen, but your pitch isn’t the sound i wanted to hear. the phrases i heard, broke me down and out came an action i never truly knew how to do. tears strolled, throat hoarse, head stinging piercing, everything hurt, but mostly did my heart. i’ve never understood when people say that their heart broke, i shook that off with an assessment of pre-madonna. but at that second, i understood, i understand. i didn’t know what was suppose to happen the next few days. and when they told me…i was left in disbelief. i thought it was over. i thought he didn’t care anymore. why didn’t anybody tell me? i tried to give what was asked, no i gave what was demanded for. if i only would’ve known, i would’ve been there in a millisecond, less than. i would’ve dropped anything, i would’ve done anything. now people are wondering who’s my crush? but to be honest i’ve set aside trying to create anything more than friendship, because to be honest i’m still not over him. i never was. i just wanted needed a distraction. i just wanted to feel okay again. because i haven’t since that day. since before that day. since winter time when things began unraveling. because when he left, so did most of my heart. there’s not a single second that goes by where memories, conversations and randomness with him don’t storm my mind.
you filled every second and action of my life.
[old post, same thoughts, just needed to get things off my chest]